Naughty Joke
by C.Queen
Summary: Albus and Scorpius are shocked to wake up in a bed together naked.  How did they get there and why can't they remember?  Sorta a continuation of 'A Bone To Pick' but can be read on own.


Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters find themselves in. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy.

Note: This is sort of a continuation of 'A Bone to Pick', but knowing that fanfic isn't necessary either.

Happy Birthday, Canada!

Naughty Joke

Sunlight streamed through the room's two windows, the light playing over the still forms of the two men lying side by side on the queen sized bed in the middle of the room. Both men were still fast asleep, a single sheet covering their naked bodies from the waist down. Scattered around the bedroom floor were various articles of clothing, hastily discarded and wrinkled from their hasty removal. The only sounds in the room came from the slow, even breathing of the occupants, and the grandfather clock that quietly ticked off the time until it signaled that it was eight o'clock in the morning, which in did in a loud, gong sort of bong.

The noise woke both men, the two slowly opened their eyes to stare into each other's, both blinking in sleepy surprise as they struggled to comprehend who they were looking at. Eyes going huge the two automatically stumbled away from each other, both yelping as they fell off either side of the bed in their haste to get away from each other.

The first to get to his knees Albus stared across the width of the bed, green eyes widening with horror as he watched a familiar white blonde head come into view, the Slytherin looking over at him too.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"That's my line. And where the hell are we, anyway?" Scorpius demanded to know as he reached up to smooth down his sleep tousled hair.

"I have no idea." Albus looked over towards the windows, which was on the Slytherin's side of the bed. "Look out the window and see if you recognize anything."

The blonde was silent for a moment. "I'm naked."

"Me too. Which concerns me on a number of levels."

The two lapsed into silence, both trying desperately to remember where they'd been the night before and what they may or may not have done.

The last thing he remembered doing was stopping at the Leaky Caldron after work, the Gryffindor thought frantically, trying to forget the fact that he was naked, in an unknown room, with Scorpius Malfoy. It had been a really long day, there was something going around that had seriously depleted his staff so that he'd been exhausted by the time he'd dragged himself into the bar for a quick drink. He'd had said drink, Hannah Longbottom had heated him up some leftover stew since he'd missed dinner, and then…and then….then he wasn't sure what the hell had happened.

For his part Scorpius remembered stopping off at the Leaky Caldron after a dinner from hell with his family. They were after him about the fact that he would apparently be the last Malfoy since he was gay, and hearing his grandparents bemoan that fact for over an hour had really, really gotten on his nerves. Some serious drinking had been called for and his liquor cabinet had been cleaned out recently due to a friend of his who'd had a serious fight with his wife and had been kicked to the curb and onto his couch, unfortunately. The man had made ample use of his liquor too, the bastard. So he'd gone to the popular bar to get a buzz on and…and…he was drawing a blank which was not a good thing. He didn't even have a serious hangover, which he would have had if he'd drank so much that he'd lost his head and…and…had sex with Albus Potter.

Shaking his head over the whole situation Albus tried to cool his head, think straight, and study the facts as his father would say.

Rubbing a hand over his stubble a thought occurred to the Gryffindor that had a small ray of hope blooming inside him. "Do you have whisker burn anywhere? I mean…if we…I would have…you see where I'm going with this."

Wincing, Scorpius nodded and then looked down, seeing no sign of his skin having been rubbed raw anywhere. "No. None that I can see. But that doesn't mean anything. Were you clean shaven before?"

"Not exactly, but you have a point. What about hickies? There would definitely be some of those. I don't have any, but I don't know if that's your thing or not. I always figured it was but then reality is so often different from-shutting up now." Cheeks heating up Albus had to work hard not to groan over what he'd just said.

Lips twitching in spite of himself Scorpius shook his head at the both of them. "My body is mark free, which doesn't explain how we ended up naked together but does indeed lend creditability to the theory that you and I didn't have sex last night, thank the powers that be."

"Thanks for that." Albus drawled out. "But then again I'm pretty sure that if we did have sex last night it wasn't worth remembering anyway."

"You're that bad, huh?"

"Please. If we'd slept together you'd remember, Malfoy. Not to mention the fact that you wouldn't have been able to fall out of the bed because you would have been too tired to. I would have worn you right out, trust me."

"Don't be so sure, I've been complimented on my stamina." Scorpius shot back with a decided gleam in his grey eyes. "But yes, since you're able to crouch by the bed the way you are I'd say it's a pretty safe bet that I didn't spend the night screwing your brains out."

"One, you're crouched on the other side of the bed, and two, where do you get off thinking you'd get the top?" And because now he felt like an idiot for basically using the bed as a shield between them Albus screwed up his courage and rose to his full height, looking down at the Slytherin for an intense moment before walking towards the pile of clothes, desperately hoping his trousers were nearby.

The Slytherin was quiet for several heartbeats, his eyes raking over the Gryffindor's body from head to toe, enjoying the annoyed sway of the other's man's ass, even more so when the man leaned down to pick something up off the floor.

"I'd be on top because I always am." Scorpius said when the other man was wearing his boxers, catching the trousers the Gryffindor threw in his direction. "Thanks."

"So you're a one position sort of guy?" Albus teased as he watched the Slytherin put on the trousers, sorry to see the man's lower half covered. "Definitely not my type then."

"And yet you fancied me well enough back when we were at Hogwarts."

"I thought we agreed that we wouldn't discuss that ever again." Albus pointed out, bracing his hands on the railing at the end of the bed.

"You suggested that, I never agreed to it though."

It had been during their final year as Hogwarts, after a potions accident involving them and a perpetually clumsy Hufflepuff who'd had zero potion making ability. The two of them had ended up in the infirmary and Albus had confessed to having had a crush on the Slytherin while he thought the other man was sleeping. The day after that Scorpius had admitted to having once fancied the Gryffindor as well, though both had insisted that that was no longer the case where either was involved.

This was the first time either had spoken of their confessions in eight years.

"Well you liked me first." And because he was suddenly feeling the need to act like he was cooler with the situation than he actually was Albus left his position at the foot of the bed and made his way up its side, sliding back onto the mattress as he settled in, comfy as could be.

Looking down at the Gryffindor Scorpius sat on the edge of the bed, not bothering to do up the hook on his trousers as he gave the other man his full attention. "Putting your woefully inferior ego aside, we still don't know how we ended up in here naked." He definitely didn't want to discuss the fact that he'd once fancied the man, especially when his former crush was half naked and lying on a bed like the most seductive of offerings.

Crossing his arms under his head Albus shrugged his shoulders. "Given that we both must have had too much to drink last night I don't think we'll be able to answer that. Though I guess we'll have some idea which of us was more sober when we find out whose name this room was booked under."

"Wouldn't we both have hangovers if that were the case?"

"I wouldn't necessarily. I have an excellent head for liquor. Though I only remember ordering the one drink." Brows furrowing Albus had to admit that the more he thought about it the more he couldn't shake the feeling that something was definitely not right with any of the explanations his mind was coming up with. "How much did you drink last night?"

"Not enough to cause a hangover, which would indicate that I wasn't drunk." And being naturally cynical and negative where the rest of the human race was concerned Scorpius's eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "Did you notice anyone in the pub last night who you know would wish both of us harm. Or if not harm, then an individual who would take pleasure in screwing with our heads like this?"

Thoughtfully Albus closed his eyes and mentally reviewed everyone he recalled speaking to or seeing before he'd somehow ended up in the room he was currently sharing with the Slytherin. He knew a lot of the regulars, as a bachelor he often stopped by the pub for a bite to eat when he didn't feel like mooching off his family or making something of his own. But he couldn't think of anyone he'd seen that would dare to pull off this sort of prank, especially since Malfoy wasn't the type of guy you wanted to mess with even on one of his good days.

This was the sort of prank that only someone with his family's level of balls and wickedness would pull off.

And that thought had the Gryffindor remembering something that he'd forgotten earlier. Something that he'd heard in the pub that had registered in his ears at the time, but he hadn't seen who he was looking for.

"That gobshite." Groaning, Albus lifted his arms from under his head and then pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, now knowing exactly how he'd come to be naked in the bed with the Slytherin. "Oh I am going to make him pay for this. I don't know how or when, but I am so going to make him pay for this. And I am sorry you got dragged into this, sincerely." The Gryffindor added, moving his hands to meet Scorpius's gaze for a moment before covering them up once more as embarrassment stained his cheeks pink.

"Mind cluing me in as to who we have to thank for our almost major misunderstanding?" Scorpius asked, amused enough by the Gryffindor's reaction to forget how much he wanted to maim whoever had gotten them into this situation.

"I'd tell you, but unfortunately I care about people who would be upset if you made this person disappear." Though James so deserved to have Scorpius after his ass, Albus thought darkly as he mentally cursed his older brother to high heaven. He'd heard the sound of the redhead's laughter the night before but hadn't spotted his brother, dismissing it as his imagination when the older man didn't appear to bug him in typical sibling style. But he must have been right, and his brother had decided to really, really up the stakes in their little practical joke competition. This totally beat his last prank, which had been to alter all of his brother's shirts to say 'I'm with Stupid', with an arrow pointing down at the man's crotch. The words had only been visible to the eyes of others, it had taken his brother a while to find out what he'd done and why people had been laughing at him.

Scorpius studied the Gryffindor in silence for a moment before making his guess. "It was a member of your family, wasn't it?"

"What makes you think that?"

"Because if anyone who wasn't family had done something like this you'd be pointing me in their direction with a grin on your face. And this sort of joke…well it screams Weasley. I'd guess your brother, your cousin Fred, or both of them. Am I right?"

Huh, he hadn't thought of Fred, but now that he was Albus had to admit that there was a good chance that his cousin had been involved in this prank too. His brother and Fred were like peas and carrots, and to pull last night's prank off seamlessly without getting caught two would have been best, one to take care of each of them. And Fred would have found the whole idea pretty fucking hilarious, knowing him. The prat.

"Why don't you head out, I'll deal with the room and everything."

Smirking at the Gryffindor's poor attempt at avoiding the subject Scorpius gave the other man a look that said he wasn't going to de distracted that easily. "Potter, you can tell me which one or I can just take down both of them, your choice."

Knowing the Slytherin was serious Albus thought it wise to redirect the man's interest. "I don't think putting us in bed together naked is a crime punishable by dark wizard maiming. I mean I only snore a little and I'm not a blanket hog." Sitting up Albus grinned at the blonde as he turned to slide off the bed. "And I know plenty of guys who would be very jealous of the fact that you got to see me butt naked." He added as he headed across the room to retrieve the rest of his clothes.

"That was worth falling out of bed for." Scorpius agreed as he followed suit, taking a moment to admire the other man's ass before scooping up his shirt. "But I'm still going to make those prats pay. You know they probably took pictures before they left."

They probably had, Albus silently agreed. And he would definitely be getting his hands on those before the day was over. "You want copies?" He asked innocently as he tugged his own shirt on.

"Copies would be nice." Scorpius agreed as he adjusted his shirt collar, not at all pleased to see how wrinkled his clothes had gotten thanks to the other man's family.

"Deal. Do you see my trousers anywhere?"

Looking around Scorpius spotted the Gryffindor's trousers slightly under his side of the bed. Walking over Scorpius bent down to pull them out, the other man's keys falling out of the trouser's front pocket as he did so. Leaning down to scoop them up as well the Slytherin's eyebrows knitted together when he saw what was attached to the ring along with the half a dozen keys. Something that the Slytherin recognized right away even though it had been a long time since he'd seen it. Even longer since he'd owned it, Scorpius thought as he turned to look at the Gryffindor with eyes full of questions and speculations.

"You turned it into part of your keychain?"

Embarrassment written all over his face Albus marched over and snatched his trousers from the Slytherin's grip, quickly stepping into them before grabbing his keys from the blonde's hand as well, shoving them back into his pocket. Only when he had his trousers done up did he answer the other man's question. "It was mine to do with as I liked. You gave it to me."

"You turned my dragon fang earring into a keychain decoration."

"Well what else was I supposed to use it for?" Albus shot back defensively, definitely feeling hot under the collar. "I don't have a pierced ear even if it was my sort of thing, which it isn't."

Fingering his still pierced ear Scorpius stared intently at the Gryffindor. "You kept it, after all this time. Even though according to you you got over your crush on me years ago. You still kept it."

"And what…you just threw away my coin?" Albus countered, thinking of his former good luck piece. One the Slytherin had found while they were still at school and had kept all the way till the end of their seventh year. Or at least the other man had as far as he knew. What had Scorpius done with it?

Shoving his hands in his pockets Scorpius smiled just a little. "I still have it. It's in my home office."

"Good." And knowing exactly how that sounded Albus took a deep breath and then turned his attention to surveying the room to make sure there wasn't anything else lying around that belonged to them. "You can head, I'll go down and make sure the asses at least had the decency to pay for the room. Either way I'll handle it." And if they hadn't he was really going to make the bastards pay.

Sensing where the other man's thoughts were Scorpius grinned. "Might I suggest a form of punishment that will really drive them nuts?"

"Sure."

"Act like nothing happened."

Opening his mouth to ask how that would be a punishment Albus closed it again as he saw where the Slytherin was going with his suggestion. It would definitely drive James and Fred up the wall since the two were probably making themselves hysterical at the moment, imagining what his and Scorpius's reactions upon waking would be. If he pretended like nothing had happened…well they might feel obligated to bring out the pictures, which he could then snatch from them with ease.

"Thanks, I'll do that."

"Of course they might be downstairs waiting to get a look at us when we come out."

Albus considered this, a gleam coming into his eyes as he walked over to stand in front of the Slytherin. "Well, if that was the case…." Diving his fingers into the blonde's hair Albus put a great deal of effort into insuring that the Slytherin's lips looked well snogged and nibbled upon before lifting his head to grin at the other man. "I do have a reputation to uphold after all."

"So do I."

And wouldn't you know it, one kiss lead to another and another.

)

Idly tapping his fingers against his arms James scowled in his cousin's direction. "What's taking them so bloody long to come downstairs? Al's always been an early riser. And you'd think we'd have heard the sounds of fighting if they were jinxing each other into the next century. Maybe we should have taken their wands away from them before we left."

"If that's the case this is all your fault." Fred stated. "I just helped."

"Right." Spotting a woman wearing a housekeeping uniform coming down the stairs James hurried over to intercept her with a charming grin. "Excuse me, Miss, sorry to bother you. I was just wondering if you know if the people in room five are still there?"

The woman's lips twitched as she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Oh they're still there. And from the sounds of it they'll be busy for a while yet. I wouldn't interrupt them unless you want to get an eyeful."

"James…" Fred said slowly, walking up to stand at his cousin's side with horrifying awareness blooming on his freckled face.

Slowly shaking his head in dismay James looked up towards the second floor. "Crap."

"And here I thought the mental images of Malfoy naked were bad enough." Fred muttered as he winced at the new images in his head. "I need a drink."

"Yeah, me too."


End file.
